When it comes to love, there are no hard and fast rules though many people follow the age-old theory that opposites attract.

  虽然许多人都遵循“相异相吸”这一老话,但情场上其实并没有铁的法则。
  But now a study has found that more often that not, similarity rules the day.
  如今一项研究发现,大多数时候,是相似的人之间互相吸引。
  Researchers at Berkeley found that people are drawn to potential romantic partners if they are of their own or similar leagueand desirability, which they called the ‘matching hypothesis’.
  伯克利大学的研究人员发现,如果潜在恋爱对象的魅力指数和自己是同一水平的,那么他们更容易互相吸引,研究人员将这称为“配对假说”。
  Of course personality traits and common interests play a factor but for that instant attraction, like is drawn towards like, putting paid to the phrase, ‘You're out of my league‘.
  诚然,个性特质和共同的兴趣也会有影响,但是就像一见钟情的瞬间吸引力一样,人们也可以立刻觉察到“咱俩不是一路人”。
  For their research, the authors of the study turned - as most singletons do today - to online dating sites.
  为了进行这一研究,研究人员和现在的许多单身人士一样,求助于在线约会网站。
  They measured the popularity of more than 3,000 heterosexualusers of a site and looked at the popularity of each.
  他们测评了一个约会网站3000多名异性恋用户的魅力指数,然后再单独观察每个用户的人气。

  Popularity was defined by the number of opposite-sex individuals who had sent unsolicitedmessages to a user.

  研究人员根据向一名用户主动发送信息的异性人数来评估这名用户的人气。
  Analyses indicated that high-popularity users contacted other popular users at a rate greater than would be expected by chance.
  分析表明,人气高的用户联系其他人气用户比预期联系随机用户的几率要高得多。
  Similarly, the less popular users of the site also contacted other low-popularity users.
  同样地,人气欠佳的用户联系的也是其他人气较低的用户。
  The researchers then conducted a follow-up study of more than a million users and found a similar result - when it comes to dating, potential mates stick to someone in their own league.
  研究人员随后对100多万名用户进行了后续调查,发现了相似的结果:人们都会选择和自己同一层次的人进行约会。
  The authors found that: ’Individuals on the dating market will assess their own self-worth and select partners whose social desirability approximately equals their own.
  研究报告作者发现:“约会市场上的人会评估自身的价值,并选择受欢迎程度和自己大致相当的人作为伴侣。
  ‘Using data collected in the laboratory and from users of a popular online dating site, the authors found evidence for matching based on self-worth, physical attractiveness, and popularity, but to different degrees and not always at the same stage of the dating process.
  “根据从实验室和从热门在线约会网站用户收集到的数据,笔者发现配对主要基于自我价值、外表吸引力和受欢迎程度,不过各个因素的影响力大小不同,而且也并不总是在约会过程中的同一阶段产生影响。
  ’The most striking prediction is that undesirable individuals will choose undesirable partners.‘
  “最不寻常的预测就是:没人要的人会选择没人要的人做伴侣。”  

  Manner #1

  When receiving something, say "Thank you."

  别人给了自己什么东西,要说“谢谢”。

  Manner #2

  When asking for something, say "Please."

  问别人话的时候先说“请”。

  Manner #3

  Do not interrupt grown-ups who are speaking with each other unless there is an emergency。

  不要打断大人们的谈话,除非真的有急事。

  Manner #4

  If you do need to get somebody's attention right away, the phrase "excuse me" is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation。

  如果真的需要跟某人说话,最好先说一句“打扰了”。

  Manner #5

  When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first. It can save you from many hours of grief later。

  如果在做一件事前拿不定主意,先去征求父母的意见和许可。

  Manner #6

  The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults。

  别人不关心你讨厌什么,所以一些批评言论最好只是跟朋友们随便说说,不要传得人尽皆知。

  Manner #7

  Do not comment on other people's physical characteristics unless, of course, it's to compliment them, which is always welcome。

  不要对别人品头论足,当然称赞他人的外表是必要的。

  Manner #8

  When you have spent time at your friend's house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had。

  在朋友家做客时要向朋友的父母表达感谢。

  Manner #9

  When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are。

  当别人向你问好时,记得礼貌作答,并且也问候他们。


  Manner #10

  Knock on closed doors -- and wait to see if there's a response -- before entering。

  进房间前先敲门。

  Manner #11

  When you make a phone call, introduce yourself first and then ask if you can speak with the person you are calling。

  打电话时先讲明自己是谁,然后再找自己想要找的人。而不是一开口就问XXX在吗。

  Manner #12

  Be appreciative and say "thank you" for any gift you receive. In the age of e-mail, a handwritten thank-you note can have a powerful effect。

  收到礼物后要表达感谢,手写的感谢信比发电子邮件要好。

  Manner #13

  Never use foul language in front of adults. Grown-ups already know all those words, and they find them boring and unpleasant。

  别在大人面前说脏话,大人们对脏话了如指掌,并且他们已经厌倦那些词语了。

  Manner #14

  Don't call people mean names。

  不要对人口出恶言。

  Manner #15

  Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel。

  任何情况下都不要嘲笑别人,这只会显示出你自己的软弱,对被嘲笑的人来说也是件残酷的事。

  Manner #16

  Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best。

  看演出时就算再无聊也要保持安静,台上演出的人是付出了实实在在的努力的。

  Manner #17

  If you bump into somebody, immediately say "Excuse me."

  撞到人的时候要立刻说抱歉。

  Manner #18

  Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don't pick your nose in public。

  咳嗽或者打喷嚏的时候要遮住嘴,并且公开场合不要抠鼻孔。

  Manner #19

  As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else。

  进出一扇门的时候记得停一小会,帮后面的人把门开着。

  Manner #20

  If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say "yes," do so -- you may learn something new。

  看到父母、老师或者邻居在忙什么的时候,问一句能不能帮手。帮忙的过程中你也会学到一点半点东西。

  Manner #21

  When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile。

  当大人请你帮忙做什么事的时候,别抱怨,记得带着微笑去完成。

  Manner #22

  When someone helps you, say "thank you." That person will likely want to help you again。

  别人帮了你的忙,记得说谢谢,这样他们下次也会乐意帮助你。

  Manner #23

  Use eating utensils properly. If you are unsure how to do so, ask your parents to teach you or watch what adults do。

  正确使用餐具。不知道怎么用的时候就问父母,或者观察其他大人是怎么使用的。

  Manner #24

  Keep a napkin on your lap; use it to wipe your mouth when necessary。

  把餐巾放在大腿上,需要的时候拿来擦嘴。

  Manner #25

  Don't reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed。

  不要伸手去拿桌子上离自己比较远的东西,请旁边的人帮你传过来。
注意,以下每组的第一句的句子是错误的, 或者是不为Native Speaker采用的说法
  
  1. 我非常喜欢.

I very like it
   I like it very much.
  
  2. 这个价格对我挺合适的。
  The price is very suitable for me.
   The price is right.
  
  Note:suitable(合适的、相配的)最常见的用法是以否定的形式出现在告示或通知上,如:下列节目儿童不宜。The following programme is not suitable for children在这组句子中用后面的说法会更合适。
  
  3. 你是做什么工作的呢?

What’s your job?
   Are you working at the moment?
  Note:what’s your job这种说法难道也有毛病吗?是的。因为如果您的谈话对象刚刚失业,如此直接的问法会让对方有失面子,所以您要问:目前您是在上班吗?Are you working at the moment?接下来您才问:目前您在哪儿工作呢?Where are you working these days?或者您从事哪个行业呢?What line of work are you in?顺带说一下,回答这类问题时不妨说得具体一点,不要只是说经理或者秘书
  
  4. 用英语怎么说?

How to say?
  How do you say this in English?
  Note:How to say是在中国最为泛滥成灾的中国式英语之一,这决不是地道的英语说法。同样的句子有:请问这个词如何拼写?How do you spell that please?请问这个单词怎么读?How do you pronounce this word?
  
  5. 明天我有事情要做。

I have something to do tomorrow?
   Sorry but I am tied up all day tomorrow.
  用I have something to do来表示您很忙,这也完全是中国式的说法。因为每时每刻我们都有事情要做,躺在那里睡大觉也是事情。所以您可以说我很忙,脱不开身:I’m tied up.还有其他的说法:I’m afraid I can’t make it at that time. I’d love to, but I can’t, I have to stay at home.
  
  6. 我没有英文名。

I haven’t English name.
   I don’t have an English name.
  Note:许多人讲英语犯这样的错误,从语法角度来分析,可能是语法功底欠缺,因为have在这里是实义动词,而并不是在现在完成时里面那个没有意义的助动词。所以,这句话由肯定句变成否定句要加助动词。
  明白道理是一回事,习惯是另一回事,请您再说几话:我没有钱;I don’t have any money.我没有兄弟姐妹;I don’t have any brothers or sisters.我没有车。I don’t have a car.
  
  7. 我想我不行。

I think I can’t.
    I don’t think I can.
  Note:这一组然是个习惯问题,在语法上称为否定前置,这就是汉语里面说“我想我不会”的时候,英语里面总是说“我不认为我会”。以后您在说类似的英语句子的时候,只要您留心,也会习惯英语的说法的,
  
  8. 我的舞也跳得不好。

I don’t dance well too.
    I am not a very good dancer either.
  Note:当我们说不擅长做什么事情的时候,英语里面通常用not good at something,英语的思维甚至直接踊跃到:我不是一个好的舞者。
  
  9. 现在几点钟了?

What time is it now?
    What time is it, please?
  Note:What time is it now这是一个直接从汉语翻译过的句子,讲英语的时候没有必要说now,因为您不可能问what time was it yesterday, 或者what time is it tomorrow?所以符合英语习惯的说法是:请问现在几点了?还有一种说法是:How are we doing for time?这句话在有时间限制的时候特别合适
  
  10. 我的英语很糟糕。

My English is poor.
   I am not 100% fluent, but at least I am improving.
  Note:有人开玩笑说,全中国人最擅长的一句英文是:My English is poor.实话说,我从来没有遇到一个美国人对我说:My Chinese is poor.无论他们的汉语是好是坏,他们会说: I am still having a few problem, but I am getting better.
  当您告诉外国人,您的英语很poor,so what(那又怎么样呢),是要让别人当场施舍给我们一些英语呢,还是说我的英语不好,咱们不谈了吧。
  另外一个更大的弊端是,一边不停的学英语,一边不停地说自己的英语很poor,这正像有个人一边给车胎充气,又一边在车胎上扎孔放气。
  我坚信,先不谈别的,如果您现在就苦下功夫,把这本薄薄的《英语54321》吃通吃透,您的英语水平立即就会迅速的提高。所以您再也不用说:我的英语很poor. 您可以实事求事地说,我的英语还不算十分流利,但至少我在进步。

11. 你愿意参加我们的晚会吗?

Would you like to join our party on Friday?
    Would you like to come to our party on Friday night?
  Note:join往往是指参加俱乐部或者协会,如:join a health club; join the Communist Party.事实上,常常与party搭配的动词的come 或者go。如go a wild party,或者come to a Christmas Party。
  
  12. 我没有经验。

I have no experience.
    I am afraid I don’t know much about that.
  Note:I have no experience这句话听起来古里古怪,因为您只需要说:那方面我懂得不多,或者这方面我不在行,就行了。I am not really an expert in this area.
  
  13. 我没有男朋友。

I have no boyfriend.
    I don’t have a boyfriend.
  
  14. 他的身体很健康。

His body is healthy.
   He is in good health. You can also say: He’s healthy.
  
  15. 价钱很昂贵/便宜。

The price is too expensive/cheap.
    The price is too high/ rather low.
   16. 我们下了车。We got off the car.
   We got out of the car.
  
  17. 车速快了。

The speed of the car is fast.
   The car is speeding. Or “The car is going too fast.”
  
  18. 这个春节你回家吗?
  Will you be going back home for the Spring Festival?
  是的,我回去。Of course! (这一句是错的)
   当然。Sure. / Certainly.(这种说法是正确的)
  以英语为母语的人使用of course的频率要比中国的学生低得多,只有在回答一些众所周知的问题时才说of course。因为of course后面隐含的一句话是“当然我知道啦!难道我是一个傻瓜吗?”因此,of course带有挑衅的意味。在交谈时,用sure或certainly效果会好得多。同时,of course not也具挑衅的意味。正常情况下语气温和的说法是certainly not.
  
  19. 我觉得右手很疼。

I feel very painful in my right hand.
   My right hand is very painful. Or “ My right hand hurts(aches).”
  
  20. 他看到她很惊讶。

He looked at her and felt surprised.
   He looked at her in surprise.

21. 我读过你的小说但是没料到你这么年轻。

I have read your novels but I didn't think you could be so young.
   After having read your novel, I expected that you would be older.
  
  22. 她脸红了,让我看穿了她的心思。
  Her red face made me see through her mind.
   Correct: Her red face told me what she was thinking.
  
  23. 看到这幅画让我想到了我的童年时代。
  The sight of these pictures made me remember my own childhood.
   Correct: Seeing these pictures reminded me of my own childhood.
  
  24. 别理她。

Don't pay attention to her.
   Leave her alone.
  
  25. 我在大学里学到了许多知识。
  I get a lot of knowledge in the university.
   I learned a lot in university.
  
  26. 黄山正在读书。
  Samuel is reading a book.
   Samuel is reading.
  
  27. exciting / excited。
  
  28. 我遇到了很多困难。
  I am having many difficulties.
   I am having a few problems / lots of problems.
  
  29. 请快点走,否则我们会迟到的。
  Please hurry to walk or we'll be late.
    Please hurry up or we'll be late.
  
  30. 她由嫉妒转向失望。
  She was so jealous that she became desperate.
   Jealousy drove her to despair.

1. Repeat  重复重复再重复

  以提问的方式重复别人的最后一句话,这种技巧可以称之为“鹦鹉学舌”。因为每个人都喜欢就自己感兴趣的方面展开话题,如果你重复他们已经说的话,就等于为他们的个人爱好“煽风点火”。

  Example:

  You: What did you get up to on the weekend。

  你:周末干嘛去了?

  Him: Went to the ball game on Saturday。

  他:周六去看球赛了。

  You: You went to the game on Saturday?

  你:你周六去看球赛啦?

  Him: Yeh, I did, took my son along for his first game. But it was good to see my team win!

  他:是啊,带我儿子去看了他人生第一场球赛。不过很高兴我们队获胜了!

  You: So it was good to see the team win?

  你:所以说球队获胜了让你很高兴吧?

  Him: Yeh, they have been strugglinga lot lately, and had lots of injuries。

  他:是啊,他们近期一直很努力,为此受了很多伤。

  想想用这种办法你能聊多久!

  2. Become a word spy 注意他人的用词

  你需要注意听对方说到的一些词,然后锁定一个目标,作为接下去的问题或话题。

  Example:

  大多数人都遇到过那种说话只说几个字,看上去态度很粗鲁的人吧。

  You: So been busy today?

  你:今天很忙吧?

  Him: Yes. (one word answer)

  他:是。(一个字)

  You: How's the weather today? Pretty wet, isn't it?

  你:今天天气怎么样?挺潮湿的不是吗?

  Him: Yes, but the farmers will stop complaining. (again in the rude voice)

  他:是,但是农民们不会再抱怨了。(仍然是粗鲁的语气)

  很多人大概会继续问些无聊的问题,但是你应该抓住他所提到的farmer这个词。

  You: You know some farmers, don't you?

  你:你认识一些农民不是吗?

  Him: Yes, I actually grew up on a farm. (his tone of voice graduallystarting to change)

  他:是啊,其实我在农场上长大。(语气逐渐转变)

  You: So did I. Where was you farm?

  你:我也是的。你家农场在哪儿?

  从这里开始,对话就能继续进行下去了。

  给大家的提示:人在交谈中遇到自己感兴趣的事物时,就不会用一两个字打发过去。你就需要去发现这一点,找到他们的兴趣所在,点燃谈话热情。

  3. Eavesdrop偷听

  这个技巧从字面本身就可以理解了吧,在你想要向陌生人(比如和你同一领域的商业大腕,想要认识的知名人士,甚至是可爱的女孩子)介绍自己时可以运用。你只需在一旁倾听他同别人都谈些什么,估测这人的兴趣所在。如果发现某个自己可以参与的话题,那就是你上场的时候了。

  Example:

  你听到他们说起法国之旅,你可以走过去说:

  I couldn't help but overhearyou were going to head to Paris later in the summer, I am actually a big fan of the city and have been there several times myself。

  我无意中听到你们说在夏天晚些时候要去巴黎,事实上我超喜欢那座城市,而且已经去过几次了。

  这样就是一个很好的开始,而且足以让对话进行下去。
我们大多数人都不会面对这些人所面对的挑战,而我们大多数人也没有取得这些人所获得的成就。

除非我们选择努力。

如果马克·英格里斯没有腿都能登上世界最高山峰,那你呢?

We all have weaknesses and strengths – no matter who we are. Sometimes the weaknesses seem to outweigh the strengths and sometimes it’s the other way around. Some people get sick easily. Some struggle to manage their finances properly. Some people are hopeless communicators and struggle with relationships.

Many people leave it and that and accept it as just bad luck – but not everyone. Some people facing huge limitations still manage to achieve tremendous things. They rise above their weaknesses and do not allow them to limit their possibilities.

It's Your Choice

I attended a school prize-giving ceremony not so long ago and the guest speaker was Andrew Becroft, who had a severe stutter as a child. Instead of allowing this to limit him, he chose to to work hard to overcome it. He is now the Principal Youth Court Judge for New Zealand. Not only did he become successful, but he did so in a profession where he had to speak in front of others regularly — where his weakness is front and center for all to see. If he hadn’t worked on his speaking ability, it would have been very limiting to his life and career prospects.

You can find similar people on New Zealand News channels, and I suspect the same in other countries. There are a number of presenters and reporters who have a noticeably unusual manner of speaking. Perhaps they have a lisp, or they have a peculiar accent or pitch of voice. These people have succeeded in spite of what would be appear to be a weakness in their profession.

Lots of people face far more significant limitations than you do. They may be missing limbs or are born into extreme poverty. But no matter what the limitation, you will always find people who have overcome it.

Here are some more examples:

Brett Eastburn has no arms or legs and yet is an inspirational speaker and and also a very good wrestler. He shares his story in a brief video on his site.

Lance Armstrong’s bout with cancer meant he lost one testicle and had to go through chemotherapy which has a horrific effect on the body. Yet he went on to win the Tour de France, one of the most grueling sports events there is, a record 7 times.

Ringo Starr, drummer for the Beatles, came from a very poor background. He was constantly plagued with illness as a child and spent large amounts of time in hospital.

At 19 months old, Helen Keller became ill and lost her sight and hearing (before she’d learned to speak). She went on to become a world famous author and speaker, and an advocate of many social causes.

Grant Calder is a tetraplegic and yet he still works outdoors on a large sheep farm in New Zealand’s rugged South Island. Here is his inspiring story.

Wilma Rudolph was the 20th of 22 children. As a child she suffered measles, mumps, scarlet fever, chicken pox, double pneumonia and eventually polio, leaving her left leg and foot weak and deformed. Doctors said she would never walk again. She went on to win 3 gold medals in track during the 1960 Olympic games.

Mark Inglis lost both of his legs below the knees in a mountaineering accident, but has since climbed Mt Everest.

Bill Wilson was an alcoholic who wanted to help other alcoholics and founded what was to become Alcoholics Anonymous, a movement that has helped millions of people.

No One Would Have Predicted These Successes

These above are cases involving individuals with significant limitations, and it can be easy to write them off as exceptions to the rule, but that’s not the case. They were just people with problems. If one of these people had told you what they hoped to achieve you would have nodded kindly while quietly thinking to yourself that they had no chance. And yet the results speak for themselves.

We All Face Challenges in Life

Most of us will never have to face the kinds of challenges these people faced. Yet most of us will never achieve to the degree that these people have either.

Unless we choose to.

If Mark Inglis can climb the highest mountain in the world without legs, what can you do?
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